When It Starts To Get Dark

by contributing writer Kristie F. Gauthreaux | Speaker, Writer, Consultant

When it starts to get dark, it gets cold, lonely, and sometimes even scary. 

When it starts to get dark, some of us but not most of us, pray, call on something, someone, momma, Jesus, even Mary.

When it starts to get dark, the silence screams louder, and the thoughts talk faster.

When it starts to get dark, we are reminded of our hurts, betrayal, or neglect by family, friends, family friends, spouses, or even pastors.

When it starts to get dark, evil pursues and offers up freedom and peace.

When it starts to get dark, we consider things never thought of or even act them out with ease.

When it starts to get dark, days cease because in our minds, light found peace in another place and darkness resides to keep love, value, and self-worth in outer space.

Clarity is out of reach, and confusion consoles us while others look on, desiring to hold us, but we can't see.

This poem represents some feelings that take us away from our surroundings. When we become overwhelmed in thought, help seems distant, and the trauma that tries to keep us bound seems resistant. But I aim to motivate you today. 

There is power inside of you. It can propel you forward even when you cannot see. 

Your move forward may require you to step out in fear. I know you heard "Step out on faith!" which is true. But, I say step out in fear. When you stand afraid and confused, push anyway. While fear grips you tight and your breaths race in and out, proceed regardless. You might hear, "Don't you dare move," as if you're being held hostage, and you are, but this time you know those thieving thoughts don't rule you, and you're prepared to move anyway.

All promises aside, know you can do what you say based on your desire. You can keep your pinky in your pocket and refuse to shake hands because your word is bond whether you speak good or bad. Trust the words that you speak and act accordingly. Let your actions be relative to what you build verbally. Because remember you have what you say. So, say only what you want and do what needs to be done. Move anyway, go forward and be free. Your destiny awaits even when it starts to get dark.

KRISTIE F. GAUTHREAUX is a spiritual midwife who uses creative writing as a tool to help women communicate their triumph over trauma. She is a dynamic pacesetter in the spiritual world of mental health. As an international transformational speaker, ordained minister, book consultant, and spiritual coach, Kristie has the opportunity to remove veils from the eyes of many women who are afraid to share the goodness and the glory of their stories. 

In publishing five books, creating many courses, workshops, and workbooks, Kristie has made creative communication accessible to women worldwide. She is a bold speaker about the mental struggles women keep secret. Her personal story of overcoming identity challenges like lesbianism, mental unhealth like anxiety and depression, and the fear of failure and pleasing others is what catapults God's message of grace and generosity. She now uses her testimony of transformation as a vessel of inspiration. Kristie dedicates her life to spreading love, instilling bravery, and encouraging young women worldwide. She wants them to know they can tell their story, talk about the triumph, and communicate through creative writing. She quotes, "We write for our life, but we write especially for the life of others."

Be Aware

by contributing writer Kristie F. Gauthreaux | Speaker, Writer, Consultant

I have learned to stay abreast of situations that cause me to go on an emotional mountain with spiral roads. I used to fail at seeing the signs, but then I realized I was in charge of mounting them. I am now mentally aware of the state in which I travel daily. If I veer off from where I should be headed, I am okay with pulling over to assess the situation and get back on track. 

Mental health awareness isn't just for the fundraising benefits or roundtable talks. It should be on a to-do checklist of self-care. We should do awareness checks for ourselves daily, especially when facing life situations. 

To become aware of our state of health and more aware of our mental state of health is wealth. It is vital to how we live and share life with others. It impacts the expectations of our future and delays the destiny set to unfold. We must not flirt with the idea of it being a "good idea," but we embrace it as a love we have longed for. 

Mental health awareness isn't just a time of the year, a time of the month. It shouldn't just be attached to an organization, counselors,  clinicians, websites, and research. Let us connect it to how we think about ourselves when we wake up in the mornings and go about our day. Let's address situations and experiences we create or happen to us and not shelter them in place.

If you practice being aware of your mental state, you can better help yourself and prepare for your desired future. Noticing the changes, knowing when the road is slippery or if the bridge to calm is out, will provide you enough time and opportunity to change directions. You can start and finish the way you want. Develop a plan, prepare for the unknown, and use the help of a counselor or mental GPS to stay the course.

Remember, if something triggering or tragic happens, we have the time to think about what we're thinking, use awareness of our mental health state and make a sound decision. Ask yourself,

"Did this trigger me, or is this tragic enough to take me to a place of sadness and have a long drive to get back to happiness? Is it so stressful that I don't have the will to live or feel?”

If the answer is no, then move forward, understanding where you stand. However, if the answer is yes, assess your thoughts and feelings. You may need to remove yourself from the driver's seat and get in the back. Allow someone or something to help you get where you need to go. Learn from it and go out again. You cannot be stopped once you recognize the things or the people that keep binding you. Get a better map, educate yourself, and listen to your body. You pack your awareness of your mental state and unpack it when it is time to make the right choices and create peace.

KRISTIE F. GAUTHREAUX is a spiritual midwife who uses creative writing as a tool to help women communicate their triumph over trauma. She is a dynamic pacesetter in the spiritual world of mental health. As an international transformational speaker, ordained minister, book consultant, and spiritual coach, Kristie has the opportunity to remove veils from the eyes of many women who are afraid to share the goodness and the glory of their stories. 

In publishing five books, creating many courses, workshops, and workbooks, Kristie has made creative communication accessible to women worldwide. She is a bold speaker about the mental struggles women keep secret. Her personal story of overcoming identity challenges like lesbianism, mental unhealth like anxiety and depression, and the fear of failure and pleasing others is what catapults God's message of grace and generosity. She now uses her testimony of transformation as a vessel of inspiration. Kristie dedicates her life to spreading love, instilling bravery, and encouraging young women worldwide. She wants them to know they can tell their story, talk about the triumph, and communicate through creative writing. She quotes, "We write for our life, but we write especially for the life of others."

Letting Creativity and Sound Choices Set You Free

by contributing writer Kristie F. Gauthreaux | Speaker, Writer, Consultant

Mental Wellness Is Achievable — My definition of 'choice' is the possibility of becoming free of the thoughts that bound you. I know, that's easier said than done. But understand that the will to choose is inherent for the sole purpose of living life more abundantly. Creativity is the tool to create that abundance. Whether you decide to create a multitude of ill discretions or of positivity and productive projects, you can freely design at your own will. What you think about and act on becomes a part of your immediate world, the environment around you. You are forming your future right now, and you're doing it all from the inside out. Be intentional about the life you will live 10 years from now.

How will you do that? How do you do that? You think about what you are thinking about. You must be so intentional about what you think that mindfulness becomes a lifestyle and not a duty. I don't mean to take inventory of each thought using pen and paper. You would lose your life through wasted time. But take notice of what you're feeling at any given time because the way you feel is directly connected to your thoughts. If you don't like what you're feeling, if the mood you woke up with slowly disappears as you begin your routine, stop, assess your thoughts, and get rid of the one that took you away from reality. Minding your thoughts will change your life; it changed mine 15 years ago. I became intentional about things I allowed myself to be subjected to, whether it came from the inside or from outside circumstances, people, or situations.

Even now, I choose what I will allow my mind to focus on. Sometimes, I seem out of it, nonchalant, and even forgetful to others. But speaking up about the situations I think are most beneficial and acting on the things that make the difference are my mental priority and a part of my self-care.

Forgetting or denying the things that intrude only to make me fearful, frustrated, or stressed are also a part of self-care. As human beings, we must be mentally aware of what we are capable of and incapable of. I know I cannot stop fearful thoughts if and when, because I binge watch crime series. I recognize there are trauma wounds that I haven't healed from. So why pour salt into them when I know the path it will take me on? However, I can control my behaviors, words, future choices based on where I am in my healing process. That area is still sore, so I back off a bit and use creative communication and writing to aid my healing. I can share that area of my life because my sharing was intentional. Living a mental well life is achievable. Get wisdom, gain knowledge, and seek understanding so you can make a sound choice to be free from the thoughts that keep you bound. Here are three ways to get started or to add to what you already do:

Action #1:

"Think about what you think about." Identify the thoughts you keep having that bring you anxiety, stress, or depressed moments. Write a short story about the thought or thoughts you have, and make sure the story ends with you as the victor. Be creative. You can be a savvy counselor, a news reporter, a pop star, whatever you want. It's your story.

Action #2:

Once you have identified the thought that sends you spiraling and have written your short story, read it aloud and make the changes necessary to ensure you are the winner in the situation. Make the knight stronger, give the counselor a superpower, create a fun background story for the news reporter, or even turn the pop star into a powerful attorney. Rewrite the story depicting more power in your hands to solve problems. 

Action #3:

Read, believe, and act it out. Read your story like you're talking about yourself. Believe that the person in that story is you. Feel the force, pretend to hold the microphone, grab your broom, and run through the house like the knight. ACT IT OUT! Your brain doesn't know if the story is true or not, so go ahead and make it accurate for you. When you start to feel the freedom, the power, the control, the boldness, your brain will begin helping you in that area.

These steps are meant to be creative, engaging, and helpful. They don't prove a cure for your anxiety, but they will undoubtedly help you cope. I only provided three steps because I suggest you start small, so excuses can't take over. You can do this a little at a time, and eventually, it becomes a lifestyle.

KRISTIE F. GAUTHREAUX is a spiritual midwife who uses creative writing as a tool to help women communicate their triumph over trauma. She is a dynamic pacesetter in the spiritual world of mental health. As an international transformational speaker, ordained minister, book consultant, and spiritual coach, Kristie has the opportunity to remove veils from the eyes of many women who are afraid to share the goodness and the glory of their stories. 

In publishing five books, creating many courses, workshops, and workbooks, Kristie has made creative communication accessible to women worldwide. She is a bold speaker about the mental struggles women keep secret. Her personal story of overcoming identity challenges like lesbianism, mental unhealth like anxiety and depression, and the fear of failure and pleasing others is what catapults God's message of grace and generosity. She now uses her testimony of transformation as a vessel of inspiration. Kristie dedicates her life to spreading love, instilling bravery, and encouraging young women worldwide. She wants them to know they can tell their story, talk about the triumph, and communicate through creative writing. She quotes, "We write for our life, but we write especially for the life of others."

COMMITMENT TO CHANGE

This week, Betty Mujica-Milano, president of our board of directors, and I, stood in front of a gymnasium full of hundreds of high school students, slightly terrified I must admit, and poured our hearts out about the project. We walked into that gym having flashbacks to high school and wondering what the heck we had gotten ourselves into, but let me tell you, we walked out with, well, hope.

You see, a couple of weeks ago, I got an email from an English teacher at Dutchtown High who sponsors a new club the students there put together called "Be the Change" with the goal of creating a more positive school environment and enriching the well-being of the students. This club planned an incredible (and completely voluntary) event called Commitment to Change where students and volunteers, like myself and Betty, could openly talk about mental health and wellness.

And that we did. Ya'll, that fear we had going in immediately dissipated the moment these students started opening up about what they're going through. We talked through some coping mechanisms; we talked at length about the power of having a trusted adult to talk through your problems with; we talked about the importance of having at least one friend you could pour your heart out to and, in turn, be there for. We talked about self-care and vulnerability and support. We talked about real pain. And then we watched a group of teens, from freshmen to seniors, sit in a circle on the floor surrounding one of their fellow classmates, but ultimately a stranger among a sea of 2400 students, to comfort her as she expressed her pain and anger. We saw them cry together, we witnessed them be vulnerable about what they've gone through, and we heard them make an oath to meet up the next morning. And then we watched as they took the first steps in the planning process with one of their teachers to start a peer support group. And ya'll THIS, this is what the project is all about.

When we arrived, we were given a sheet of paper with questions the students had submitted that we could use to guide the discussion. As I left, I realized that we didn't touch on some of these so I'd like to do that now. As I told the students honestly, I am not a mental health professional. I'm just a girl who's been through some shit (ok, I didn't use the word shit) but I made it out the other side and I didn't do it alone. And you don't have to either. So these are strictly my opinions based on my own experience. Please, if you have anything to add, do so in the comments. The goal of this blog is to serve as a discussion board for support and hope. To crowd-source that help and that hope and provide resources to our community.

What's the best way to manage or prevent stress?
I think we can all relate to this and it's no different for high school students. If anything, I think students today have even more pressure on them to be something they may never be able to live up to. (And yes, social media has a lot to do with that.) So, here's my advice, set boundaries for yourself. Don't be afraid to say no to helping plan another school event or going to that party. It's ok to take some time for yourself, actually it's not just ok, its necessary for our survival. And be honest about why you're saying no. "I'm feeling overwhelmed and I would rather take the time to recharge so I can come back stronger than to commit to something I can't give 100% to right now." "I do want to hang out but I'm feeling anxiety and stress and I think I need a day to myself." Preventing stress is impossible. We're wired for it. And sometimes we can strive in stressful situations. We just have to keep our well-being top of mind, be honest about what we need, and reach out for help when we can't do it alone anymore.

Some of my friends have told me that the relationship I'm in isn't healthy. How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship? What should I do if I am? Where can I go for help or who should I talk to?
This is something I unfortunately can relate to all too well. I don't talk about the details because I've chosen not to hurt the people who hurt me and truthfully, I still care deeply about them. But, I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship in high school which led me down a dangerous path of emotionally abusive boyfriends until I was 28 years old.

First, if your friends think your relationship isn't healthy, they are probably right. And you will likely hate them for it, at first.
Secondly, if you have to ask, you are likely in a toxic relationship. You should never feel afraid or less than the person you are dating. You should never let another person make you question your own self-worth. ​Mental abuse can lead you to think the worst about yourself and, the longer to stay, the more you will believe it. Which will just lead you down a dangerous cycle of more abuse, trust me.

If there is any violence AT ALL, whether thats "just when they're drunk" or because "they had a bad day," that's NOT OK. If you're having to make excuses for them, you're not in a healthy relationship. If you are experiencing any sort of violence, get out immediately and tell someone, right NOW. DO NOT WAIT UNTIL ITS TOO LATE.

That doesn't mean that the person you care about, and probably even love, is a bad person. That doesn't even mean that you don't love them. Like I mentioned, I still care deeply about the people I dated that hurt me. But it does mean that they need the kind of help that you are not capable of giving. Talking to a trusted adult about both your situation and theirs can help you both. It's not an easy thing to admit. And confronting the person you're with is not the answer. They will likely be combative and again, you are not capable of providing them the help they need. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN BE THERE FOR ANYONE ELSE.

There are a host of counselors and therapists in the area that are trained to handle abusive or toxic relationships, especially in teens. So, ask for help and I promise you, you (and they) will be better for it.

Wow, ok. I still have 12 more questions to go but I will end this post here and pick up where I left off another day. I hope this helps. I hope you know you're not alone. And I hope you know that there are people you can turn to for help.

-Chelsea Borruano, Founder | Executive Director