When It Starts To Get Dark

by contributing writer Kristie F. Gauthreaux | Speaker, Writer, Consultant

When it starts to get dark, it gets cold, lonely, and sometimes even scary. 

When it starts to get dark, some of us but not most of us, pray, call on something, someone, momma, Jesus, even Mary.

When it starts to get dark, the silence screams louder, and the thoughts talk faster.

When it starts to get dark, we are reminded of our hurts, betrayal, or neglect by family, friends, family friends, spouses, or even pastors.

When it starts to get dark, evil pursues and offers up freedom and peace.

When it starts to get dark, we consider things never thought of or even act them out with ease.

When it starts to get dark, days cease because in our minds, light found peace in another place and darkness resides to keep love, value, and self-worth in outer space.

Clarity is out of reach, and confusion consoles us while others look on, desiring to hold us, but we can't see.

This poem represents some feelings that take us away from our surroundings. When we become overwhelmed in thought, help seems distant, and the trauma that tries to keep us bound seems resistant. But I aim to motivate you today. 

There is power inside of you. It can propel you forward even when you cannot see. 

Your move forward may require you to step out in fear. I know you heard "Step out on faith!" which is true. But, I say step out in fear. When you stand afraid and confused, push anyway. While fear grips you tight and your breaths race in and out, proceed regardless. You might hear, "Don't you dare move," as if you're being held hostage, and you are, but this time you know those thieving thoughts don't rule you, and you're prepared to move anyway.

All promises aside, know you can do what you say based on your desire. You can keep your pinky in your pocket and refuse to shake hands because your word is bond whether you speak good or bad. Trust the words that you speak and act accordingly. Let your actions be relative to what you build verbally. Because remember you have what you say. So, say only what you want and do what needs to be done. Move anyway, go forward and be free. Your destiny awaits even when it starts to get dark.

KRISTIE F. GAUTHREAUX is a spiritual midwife who uses creative writing as a tool to help women communicate their triumph over trauma. She is a dynamic pacesetter in the spiritual world of mental health. As an international transformational speaker, ordained minister, book consultant, and spiritual coach, Kristie has the opportunity to remove veils from the eyes of many women who are afraid to share the goodness and the glory of their stories. 

In publishing five books, creating many courses, workshops, and workbooks, Kristie has made creative communication accessible to women worldwide. She is a bold speaker about the mental struggles women keep secret. Her personal story of overcoming identity challenges like lesbianism, mental unhealth like anxiety and depression, and the fear of failure and pleasing others is what catapults God's message of grace and generosity. She now uses her testimony of transformation as a vessel of inspiration. Kristie dedicates her life to spreading love, instilling bravery, and encouraging young women worldwide. She wants them to know they can tell their story, talk about the triumph, and communicate through creative writing. She quotes, "We write for our life, but we write especially for the life of others."

Be Aware

by contributing writer Kristie F. Gauthreaux | Speaker, Writer, Consultant

I have learned to stay abreast of situations that cause me to go on an emotional mountain with spiral roads. I used to fail at seeing the signs, but then I realized I was in charge of mounting them. I am now mentally aware of the state in which I travel daily. If I veer off from where I should be headed, I am okay with pulling over to assess the situation and get back on track. 

Mental health awareness isn't just for the fundraising benefits or roundtable talks. It should be on a to-do checklist of self-care. We should do awareness checks for ourselves daily, especially when facing life situations. 

To become aware of our state of health and more aware of our mental state of health is wealth. It is vital to how we live and share life with others. It impacts the expectations of our future and delays the destiny set to unfold. We must not flirt with the idea of it being a "good idea," but we embrace it as a love we have longed for. 

Mental health awareness isn't just a time of the year, a time of the month. It shouldn't just be attached to an organization, counselors,  clinicians, websites, and research. Let us connect it to how we think about ourselves when we wake up in the mornings and go about our day. Let's address situations and experiences we create or happen to us and not shelter them in place.

If you practice being aware of your mental state, you can better help yourself and prepare for your desired future. Noticing the changes, knowing when the road is slippery or if the bridge to calm is out, will provide you enough time and opportunity to change directions. You can start and finish the way you want. Develop a plan, prepare for the unknown, and use the help of a counselor or mental GPS to stay the course.

Remember, if something triggering or tragic happens, we have the time to think about what we're thinking, use awareness of our mental health state and make a sound decision. Ask yourself,

"Did this trigger me, or is this tragic enough to take me to a place of sadness and have a long drive to get back to happiness? Is it so stressful that I don't have the will to live or feel?”

If the answer is no, then move forward, understanding where you stand. However, if the answer is yes, assess your thoughts and feelings. You may need to remove yourself from the driver's seat and get in the back. Allow someone or something to help you get where you need to go. Learn from it and go out again. You cannot be stopped once you recognize the things or the people that keep binding you. Get a better map, educate yourself, and listen to your body. You pack your awareness of your mental state and unpack it when it is time to make the right choices and create peace.

KRISTIE F. GAUTHREAUX is a spiritual midwife who uses creative writing as a tool to help women communicate their triumph over trauma. She is a dynamic pacesetter in the spiritual world of mental health. As an international transformational speaker, ordained minister, book consultant, and spiritual coach, Kristie has the opportunity to remove veils from the eyes of many women who are afraid to share the goodness and the glory of their stories. 

In publishing five books, creating many courses, workshops, and workbooks, Kristie has made creative communication accessible to women worldwide. She is a bold speaker about the mental struggles women keep secret. Her personal story of overcoming identity challenges like lesbianism, mental unhealth like anxiety and depression, and the fear of failure and pleasing others is what catapults God's message of grace and generosity. She now uses her testimony of transformation as a vessel of inspiration. Kristie dedicates her life to spreading love, instilling bravery, and encouraging young women worldwide. She wants them to know they can tell their story, talk about the triumph, and communicate through creative writing. She quotes, "We write for our life, but we write especially for the life of others."

Letting Creativity and Sound Choices Set You Free

by contributing writer Kristie F. Gauthreaux | Speaker, Writer, Consultant

Mental Wellness Is Achievable — My definition of 'choice' is the possibility of becoming free of the thoughts that bound you. I know, that's easier said than done. But understand that the will to choose is inherent for the sole purpose of living life more abundantly. Creativity is the tool to create that abundance. Whether you decide to create a multitude of ill discretions or of positivity and productive projects, you can freely design at your own will. What you think about and act on becomes a part of your immediate world, the environment around you. You are forming your future right now, and you're doing it all from the inside out. Be intentional about the life you will live 10 years from now.

How will you do that? How do you do that? You think about what you are thinking about. You must be so intentional about what you think that mindfulness becomes a lifestyle and not a duty. I don't mean to take inventory of each thought using pen and paper. You would lose your life through wasted time. But take notice of what you're feeling at any given time because the way you feel is directly connected to your thoughts. If you don't like what you're feeling, if the mood you woke up with slowly disappears as you begin your routine, stop, assess your thoughts, and get rid of the one that took you away from reality. Minding your thoughts will change your life; it changed mine 15 years ago. I became intentional about things I allowed myself to be subjected to, whether it came from the inside or from outside circumstances, people, or situations.

Even now, I choose what I will allow my mind to focus on. Sometimes, I seem out of it, nonchalant, and even forgetful to others. But speaking up about the situations I think are most beneficial and acting on the things that make the difference are my mental priority and a part of my self-care.

Forgetting or denying the things that intrude only to make me fearful, frustrated, or stressed are also a part of self-care. As human beings, we must be mentally aware of what we are capable of and incapable of. I know I cannot stop fearful thoughts if and when, because I binge watch crime series. I recognize there are trauma wounds that I haven't healed from. So why pour salt into them when I know the path it will take me on? However, I can control my behaviors, words, future choices based on where I am in my healing process. That area is still sore, so I back off a bit and use creative communication and writing to aid my healing. I can share that area of my life because my sharing was intentional. Living a mental well life is achievable. Get wisdom, gain knowledge, and seek understanding so you can make a sound choice to be free from the thoughts that keep you bound. Here are three ways to get started or to add to what you already do:

Action #1:

"Think about what you think about." Identify the thoughts you keep having that bring you anxiety, stress, or depressed moments. Write a short story about the thought or thoughts you have, and make sure the story ends with you as the victor. Be creative. You can be a savvy counselor, a news reporter, a pop star, whatever you want. It's your story.

Action #2:

Once you have identified the thought that sends you spiraling and have written your short story, read it aloud and make the changes necessary to ensure you are the winner in the situation. Make the knight stronger, give the counselor a superpower, create a fun background story for the news reporter, or even turn the pop star into a powerful attorney. Rewrite the story depicting more power in your hands to solve problems. 

Action #3:

Read, believe, and act it out. Read your story like you're talking about yourself. Believe that the person in that story is you. Feel the force, pretend to hold the microphone, grab your broom, and run through the house like the knight. ACT IT OUT! Your brain doesn't know if the story is true or not, so go ahead and make it accurate for you. When you start to feel the freedom, the power, the control, the boldness, your brain will begin helping you in that area.

These steps are meant to be creative, engaging, and helpful. They don't prove a cure for your anxiety, but they will undoubtedly help you cope. I only provided three steps because I suggest you start small, so excuses can't take over. You can do this a little at a time, and eventually, it becomes a lifestyle.

KRISTIE F. GAUTHREAUX is a spiritual midwife who uses creative writing as a tool to help women communicate their triumph over trauma. She is a dynamic pacesetter in the spiritual world of mental health. As an international transformational speaker, ordained minister, book consultant, and spiritual coach, Kristie has the opportunity to remove veils from the eyes of many women who are afraid to share the goodness and the glory of their stories. 

In publishing five books, creating many courses, workshops, and workbooks, Kristie has made creative communication accessible to women worldwide. She is a bold speaker about the mental struggles women keep secret. Her personal story of overcoming identity challenges like lesbianism, mental unhealth like anxiety and depression, and the fear of failure and pleasing others is what catapults God's message of grace and generosity. She now uses her testimony of transformation as a vessel of inspiration. Kristie dedicates her life to spreading love, instilling bravery, and encouraging young women worldwide. She wants them to know they can tell their story, talk about the triumph, and communicate through creative writing. She quotes, "We write for our life, but we write especially for the life of others."

WISHING YOU PEACE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

We know the holidays aren't always the happiest. And today, as wishes of joy fill the air, we want you to know that whatever you're feeling is valid and you are so very not alone. We want you to find peace and hope in the smallest moments, but we also know that this season can come with sadness and pain, especially as we close out a year of immeasurable loss.

As we ring in a new year, socially distant from a world we once knew, it may be hard to find a reason to celebrate. And if you choose not to, that's ok too. But you are still here, and it can totally be enough to just celebrate you.

We've compiled some resources to hopefully make wherever you are on your journey a little bit easier.

Wishing you safety, peace, and a bit of hope this holiday season. ​

• Office of Behavioral Health Keep Calm Line 1-866-310-7977

• If you need assistance finding food, paying for housing bills, accessing free childcare, or other essential services, visit 211.org or dial 211 to speak to someone who can help.

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

• Text HOME to 741741 and you’ll be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor. Crisis Text Line provides free, text-based support 24/7.

• For any victims and survivors of domestic violence who need support, call 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-799-7233 for TTY, or if you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522.

• Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

• Listen to the Along the Gravel Road Podcast as guests share about their own mental health journeys.

• The Mental Health America In The Open podcast explores the holiday blues and ways to cope with stress and anxiety as the holidays ramp up and wrap up - especially with the changes that the COVID-19 pandemic has brought.

• TWLOHA When the Holidays Are Hard written by Xander Bell

• Mental Health during the Holidays by Mental Health First Aid USA

• Maintaining Mental Health During the Holidays (And a Pandemic) by NAMI

• Preparing for the Holidays During Covid-19 by MHA

• Setting Healthy Holiday Boundaries During the Holiday Season by Where's the Line?

• Enjoy the Holidays with More Mindfulness by the Child Mind Institute

• Coping With Grief During the Holidays by the American Cancer Society

LIVING IN QUARANTINE: THE AFTER EFFECTS

 PUBLISHED IN BATON ROUGE PARENTS MAGAZINE MAY 2020

In order to escape the Great Plague affecting Cambridge, Newton retreated in isolation to Woolsthorpe where he came up with his theories of gravity, optics and calculus.

After a wildfire, landscapes will explode with thousands of flowers known as a superbloom and come back even more beautiful and healthier than before.

Hurricane Sandy rid Long Island Bay of its polluted water--the constant surge of the tides dispersed toxins in the bay and returned the water cleanliness to levels not seen since the mid-1970s.

Shakespeare wrote ‘King Lear,' 'Macbeth' and 'Antony and Cleopatra' as London reeled from an outbreak of the bubonic plague in 1606.

What a beautiful thought it is that things, and people, can come out of a state of devastation and isolation even stronger than before.

Covid-19 forced many of us into self-isolation. In this isolated state, emotions can be heightened, and mental health can be gravely affected. A recent review in Psychology Today on the effects of quarantine on individuals points to increased confusion, anger, post-traumatic stress symptoms, and extended periods of grief, sometimes lasting even three years after the end of the quarantine. Stressors range anywhere from longer quarantine duration, inadequate information and supplies, and infection fears, to frustration, boredom, grief, financial loss and stigma.

Of course, people with a history of mental illness are at increased risks, but no one is immune to the mental effects that isolation and fear can have during and after a pandemic. And, for some, those effects will last long after the virus is gone. In addition, health care workers and others on the frontlines are facing even more dangers to both their physical and mental health. These workers, especially, will need continued support after this is over.

Effects on Children
The good news for parents is that psychologists who work with childhood trauma agree that children are incredibly resilient. According to child psychologist Jessica Wozniak, we’re going to see a range of effects from this pandemic on children based heavily on family and community circumstances. Some will be mild and short-term such as trouble sleeping, increased worry or behavioral outbursts, while others may see more long-term effects of post-traumatic stress disorder. It is noted that there are factors that can decrease a child’s ability to withstand trauma. A child’s proximity to the event can be a factor. In this case, children are just as impacted as adults, but parents do have the ability to monitor their intake of news surrounding the pandemic and are encouraged to do so. The likelihood of long-term trauma also increases for children who are already in an unstable state. It will be more important than ever to make sure disadvantaged populations have adequate access to mental health care and ongoing support.

Wozniak stresses that children most often look to caregivers for how to react and cope with trauma. The more adjusted a caregiver is, the calmer children will be, especially as life starts to return to a sense of normalcy. As with adults, giving children some agency over the isolation and being away from friends by making sure they know they are helping others and contributing to the greater good can provide comfort and a sense of pride. That shared purpose can also bring a family even closer together and add value moving forward. It is also likely that we will continue to see small changes in this generation, such as being more reluctant to shake hands or leaning into technology even more. Only time will tell. What we do know is that we need to continue being compassionate and understanding with one another. We are all experiencing this together, after all, and no one has all the answers.

Shining a Light on Mental Health
On the bright side, mental health is being talked about more than ever before, and people are even more aware of the importance of taking care of their overall well-being. During the pandemic, self-care has been deemed a necessity for most, with many organizations sharing resources for taking care of one’s mental health, counselors switching to tele-health services and individuals sharing at home self-care routines. Crisis hotlines saw calls increase in the thousands during this time. We also saw people making an active effort to connect with each other through virtual game nights, Zoom happy hours, drive-by birthday “parades,” and through other innovative means.

As we go back to normal, it’s important to identify which parts of “normal” are worth going back to.

Where we go from here matters.
As we’ve seen throughout history, some of the world’s greatest creations came from a forced state of isolation, and regrowth is often healthier after a state of disruption. Jessica Carson, Neuroscientist and Psychologist, stresses the importance of using this situation as an opportunity to reallocate energy and find balance. Imagine dividing 12 units of energy across four areas, family, occupation, recreation and dreams (making dreams a reality). What did it look like before Coronavirus? What does it look like now? And, where do we want to go from here?
​
Written by Chelsea Borruano

MY DISORDER THRIVES IN THESE LONELY MOMENTS

WRITTEN BY: BECCA AMES

​we compare our pain as if there is only a certain amount in this world to be given. rank our suffering, use it to give or deny ourselves the permission to feel. there are people who are sick, dying, losing their jobs, people who never had them to begin with. people who are hungry. who are you to be experiencing anything but gratitude?

I am overwhelmed by my sadness, the strength to which my feelings can overtake me in a matter of seconds, dragging me to the depths of despair as I sit comfortably in an air-conditioned apartment with a fridge that is full and a fluffy little creature nestled at my toes. you are not worthy of sadness today, the voices say.

my disorder thrives in these lonely moments, feeding on the guilt and shame of asking for too much from a world that is - for all intents and purposes - tapped out. I berate myself for the messiness of my feelings, shave away the excess so I too can fit in the box of all that is ‘just right’.

I live in constant fear that the bigness of what is happening inside of me is wrong, that my taking of space will overwhelm the people I love and force them to disappear.

but there is something freeing in this quiet, a knowing emerging from its hiding place. I am confronted each day by a shadow that used to dance behind all that is life beyond this. I ran from its darkness, its silhouette stretching thin in my wake until disintegrating into nothing at all.

but now, the shadow stands just slightly taller than myself, cast from a light that is close by.
I am here, it seems to say, announcing my existence.

I am learning to be alone. and maybe it’s because I didn’t bring this upon myself that it feels lighter than it would in another time, a purposeful act of being alone that is not representative of an absence of love but perhaps even a surplus of it.
maybe I am not a mess. maybe I am just a person who feels deeply in a messy world. and maybe there are others who feel this way - completely and without hesitation, others who read what I write and feel the pressure release. others who feel the weight of this loneliness lifting.

maybe we’re not overreacting. maybe we’re not broken.
maybe we’re just paying attention.

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT, EVEN THOUGH IT SCARES ME.

I've been hesitant to write about what I've been dealing with these past couple weeks. Mostly because it's not exactly positive or uplifting. As the founder of the project, I know that people are looking to me to offer something, anything, during this time. I believe we've done a lot as an organization by sharing resources and hosting giveaways and virtual meetups, and I'm proud of that. But I also started this project with the intention of being bold in our conversations about mental health and that starts with me. That starts with honesty and vulnerability.

When I was 28, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). I've talked a lot about how that diagnosis, and subsequent treatment, has changed my life and brought me to where I am today. What I want, or rather need to talk about now is how incredibly triggering this pandemic has been for my GAD and MDD symptoms.

For the past three or so years, I've kept these issues in check. I've taken on a lot of what would be considered stressors and prevailed because of the tools I've learned along the way.

Let me tell you, those tools got nothin' on the coronavirus.

I have this pressure in my chest constantly that no breathing exercise seems to touch. My anxiety is affecting my ability to do my job and succeed in my master's program, in mental health counseling of all things. I'm starting to feel like some sort of poser. How can I help people as a counselor if I can't even help myself? When I got help all those years ago, I did it because I couldn't eat and I couldn't leave my house due to my depression. I've been having flashbacks of that time of extreme isolation and am finding myself being drawn to the safety of shutting out the world. A friend shared an article that could not have explained my fears any better--“On the one hand, I am concerned that this will not only exacerbate things for those who are already isolated and lonely, but also might be a triggering point for others to now get into habits of connecting less...(read more).”

I have been exploring ways to deal. One thing that seems to help me is looking at time differently. When I feel anxious about anything--work, this nonprofit, my classes, getting sick--I remind myself that time is relative right now. I actually have the full 24 hours to spread things out in a way that works best for my mental wellness. Right now, my mental health has to be more important than being hyper available from 8-5:30 Mon-Fri and basically anytime in between. I take a break when my anxiety gets bad and do something mindless, like watch a quick episode of a sitcom, and then I get back to whatever I'm working on. On the flipside, I seem to have more energy around 8 pm or so, so I use that time and energy to wrap up anything that my anxiety kept me from getting to during the day. ​I also spend time outside, drink tea, paint and call or facetime friends and family. Sometimes, I just wish I could disconnect from it all, but I also have to remind myself that the responsibilities are still there, and I can't hide from them because of my anxiety.

I know other people have it so much worse and I feel guilty for "complaining." I know "our grandparents went to war and all we have to do is stay home." I know that SO many people are sacrificing SO much for me and it physically hurts me that I will never be able to do anything to repay them. I hurt for people who have lost someone to this virus or who can't say their last goodbye to a dying loved one for fear of spreading the virus and who can't be at the funeral because that would be more than 10 people in a room. I just lost someone very close to me. I can't imagine not being with them when they were suffering and not having the chance to say goodbye. I know my issues are minuscule compared to other people. What I also know is that my anxiety and depression have never been rational. Facts and figures aren't going to ease the pressure in my chest or keep the tears from streaming down my face. One thing is for sure. I'm going to hug my family and friends so dang hard when this is all over (with their consent of course).

I know I'll be okay. Maybe not today. Maybe not for a couple of months. And that's okay.
Because I'm alive, and I may be isolated, but I AM NOT ALONE. You aren't alone. We're all in this together. Let's talk about it and just be there for each other.
​
Written by: Chelsea Borruano

WHAT DOES ANXIETY LOOK LIKE?

It looks like the light tapping of your fingers on a desk in a perfect pattern.
It looks like biting your nails till they bleed.
It looks like staring off into space.
It looks like ignoring someone you love.
It looks like leaving a packed room to get some air.
It looks like anger, fear.
It looks like shortness of breathe.
It looks like thoughtfulness.
It looks like tears.
It looks like the “party pooper” or “lightweight” who’s going home early.
It looks like humor.
It looks like tossing and turning in bed.
It looks like nothing.

All the while, on the inside, it feels like chaos, compulsion, uncontrollable energy. It’s fighting to breathe, to think a clear thought, to focus. It feels painful. It feels better to be alone even if it means leaving your friends and what looks like fun. It feels like you could’ve said something better, did something differently. It’s running through your day in your head, questioning every decision you’ve made.

It feels like everything.

Anxiety is real. It’s not something you can just let go or get over. Your feelings are so very valid. It’s also something that we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about or feel judged for. It’s something we should be able to openly talk about so we can help each other overcome it.

It’s not nothing and you aren’t alone.

COMMITMENT TO CHANGE

This week, Betty Mujica-Milano, president of our board of directors, and I, stood in front of a gymnasium full of hundreds of high school students, slightly terrified I must admit, and poured our hearts out about the project. We walked into that gym having flashbacks to high school and wondering what the heck we had gotten ourselves into, but let me tell you, we walked out with, well, hope.

You see, a couple of weeks ago, I got an email from an English teacher at Dutchtown High who sponsors a new club the students there put together called "Be the Change" with the goal of creating a more positive school environment and enriching the well-being of the students. This club planned an incredible (and completely voluntary) event called Commitment to Change where students and volunteers, like myself and Betty, could openly talk about mental health and wellness.

And that we did. Ya'll, that fear we had going in immediately dissipated the moment these students started opening up about what they're going through. We talked through some coping mechanisms; we talked at length about the power of having a trusted adult to talk through your problems with; we talked about the importance of having at least one friend you could pour your heart out to and, in turn, be there for. We talked about self-care and vulnerability and support. We talked about real pain. And then we watched a group of teens, from freshmen to seniors, sit in a circle on the floor surrounding one of their fellow classmates, but ultimately a stranger among a sea of 2400 students, to comfort her as she expressed her pain and anger. We saw them cry together, we witnessed them be vulnerable about what they've gone through, and we heard them make an oath to meet up the next morning. And then we watched as they took the first steps in the planning process with one of their teachers to start a peer support group. And ya'll THIS, this is what the project is all about.

When we arrived, we were given a sheet of paper with questions the students had submitted that we could use to guide the discussion. As I left, I realized that we didn't touch on some of these so I'd like to do that now. As I told the students honestly, I am not a mental health professional. I'm just a girl who's been through some shit (ok, I didn't use the word shit) but I made it out the other side and I didn't do it alone. And you don't have to either. So these are strictly my opinions based on my own experience. Please, if you have anything to add, do so in the comments. The goal of this blog is to serve as a discussion board for support and hope. To crowd-source that help and that hope and provide resources to our community.

What's the best way to manage or prevent stress?
I think we can all relate to this and it's no different for high school students. If anything, I think students today have even more pressure on them to be something they may never be able to live up to. (And yes, social media has a lot to do with that.) So, here's my advice, set boundaries for yourself. Don't be afraid to say no to helping plan another school event or going to that party. It's ok to take some time for yourself, actually it's not just ok, its necessary for our survival. And be honest about why you're saying no. "I'm feeling overwhelmed and I would rather take the time to recharge so I can come back stronger than to commit to something I can't give 100% to right now." "I do want to hang out but I'm feeling anxiety and stress and I think I need a day to myself." Preventing stress is impossible. We're wired for it. And sometimes we can strive in stressful situations. We just have to keep our well-being top of mind, be honest about what we need, and reach out for help when we can't do it alone anymore.

Some of my friends have told me that the relationship I'm in isn't healthy. How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship? What should I do if I am? Where can I go for help or who should I talk to?
This is something I unfortunately can relate to all too well. I don't talk about the details because I've chosen not to hurt the people who hurt me and truthfully, I still care deeply about them. But, I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship in high school which led me down a dangerous path of emotionally abusive boyfriends until I was 28 years old.

First, if your friends think your relationship isn't healthy, they are probably right. And you will likely hate them for it, at first.
Secondly, if you have to ask, you are likely in a toxic relationship. You should never feel afraid or less than the person you are dating. You should never let another person make you question your own self-worth. ​Mental abuse can lead you to think the worst about yourself and, the longer to stay, the more you will believe it. Which will just lead you down a dangerous cycle of more abuse, trust me.

If there is any violence AT ALL, whether thats "just when they're drunk" or because "they had a bad day," that's NOT OK. If you're having to make excuses for them, you're not in a healthy relationship. If you are experiencing any sort of violence, get out immediately and tell someone, right NOW. DO NOT WAIT UNTIL ITS TOO LATE.

That doesn't mean that the person you care about, and probably even love, is a bad person. That doesn't even mean that you don't love them. Like I mentioned, I still care deeply about the people I dated that hurt me. But it does mean that they need the kind of help that you are not capable of giving. Talking to a trusted adult about both your situation and theirs can help you both. It's not an easy thing to admit. And confronting the person you're with is not the answer. They will likely be combative and again, you are not capable of providing them the help they need. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN BE THERE FOR ANYONE ELSE.

There are a host of counselors and therapists in the area that are trained to handle abusive or toxic relationships, especially in teens. So, ask for help and I promise you, you (and they) will be better for it.

Wow, ok. I still have 12 more questions to go but I will end this post here and pick up where I left off another day. I hope this helps. I hope you know you're not alone. And I hope you know that there are people you can turn to for help.

-Chelsea Borruano, Founder | Executive Director

THS IS OUR STORY

​Traumatic events left untended that grow into demons that become almost unbearable to face.

Don't let it get to you, you'll be fine, just push through it.

I made it through the rest of my shift fine, laughing and joking around per usual, but when I left that night, I crumbled.

I would sit on whoever’s floor, and I would sob, begging my friends to help me because I was tired of fighting alone.

That became my norm. Drunk everyday after shift, crying alone, but smiling in front of my friends and co workers so that know one would know I was slowly dying.

When I was 21 I had an episode that I can only describe as some sort of psychosis where I was having constant panic attacks for 3 days straight and couldn’t distinguish between reality and dreams.

My story actually started on this day, six years ago and along with it so came my daily struggle with anxiety and depression.

I believed that the sadness started on the day that my husband left me.

I had a son roughly 7 months ago. He is my third child, my second son. By around a week we knew he had issues, but by 3 weeks, I knew something was wrong with me. I am the 1 in 7. I had PPD.

My mom who is the best mom anyone could ever hope for doesn’t understand depression. She just did not understand what was wrong with me.

I have flashbacks of that day sometimes, hearing people laughing and having the time of our lives, feeling the sun beating down and the slight breeze from the water, all the while having no inclination of the tragedy that we would soon have to endure.

At times my depression felt like it danced with my trauma but stepped on my soul in glass shattering steps.

Funny how someone else's PTSD and depression basically triggered my own.

The days, months and years to follow have been a constant struggle between wanting to live for him and not being able to live without him, wanting to tell my story but also not wanting to be defined by it and more deeply feeling the constant anxiety of losing those closest to me.

I couldn’t simply feel better. I couldn’t say…didn’t know how to articulate… that the sadness was growing.

Living in a dark hole of fear and sadness is so foreign to them, but to those of us who live with it daily, it's an all too real prison.

What if…I mean what if…I don’t notice that the semi in front of me stopped for railway tracks? The other driver would be okay. And I wouldn’t have to feel this growing thing inside me anymore.

I will never forget where I was when I literally wanted to jerk my car off the road into a telephone post.

What does PPD look like? It knows no bounds. It does not discriminate on the basis of age or race. It doesn't care what your religion is or how you were brought up. It doesn't care how much you love your children, how hard it was for you to have them, how you got there, or how long you waited and prayed for them. 1 in 7.

The longest journey of my life (a 10 year process) was looking at the scars and acknowledging the depression flowing inside my body.

As she writes, she realizes that the end of her life as a child sex slave, was the beginning of a beautiful life (foreordained by her loving Father in heaven), which she could have never imagined possible.

My name is Dianna Pippins and I am a US Army female Veteran that suffers from PTSD and anxiety due to Military Sexual Trauma while serving my country. Everyday is a challenge and it very hard to just live. I and others like me have suffered in silence for way too long.

I had the overwhelming fear that the people I loved would be taken from me and it was a fear I thought I had to live with, I thought it was my burden to bear until I woke up one morning and decided to get help.

Hope saved me in the same likeness like when a wildfire is finally tamed and controlled.

Food can truly change someone’s life and often makes me wonder who else is suffering because of the food we consume.

I found a therapist the following week. I vomited the Darkness in front of him as brutal as I could stomach. His response, “You’re not always going to feel like this.”

I didn’t get help until I was standing on a desolate plain behind the remnants of bombarded walls.

Broken… Hopeful

It was honestly a hundred little things that helped me survive. It was baby ducks coming up to me by the LSU lakes, it was laughter and connection, it was deciding that I wanted more from life, and it was acknowledging that I could be resilient despite all the trauma and darkness.

Other’s transparency about their own mental health struggles helped me feel like I wasn’t alone.

Nothing feels more comforting than realizing that what you face every day, and what seems insurmountable, is not unique to you; you really are not alone.

I AM FREE. And to think IT all had to do with diet. I am truly convinced I am not alone in this food thing.

I could learn to live with myself, and not let my PTSD and depression be the definition of my life. I don't know that she'll ever know it, but that counselor saved my life.

Depression and anxiety are very real and though some forms come from experiences such as mine and others from chemical imbalances, the most important thing to know is that YOU AREN'T ALONE and I'm not alone. We are all in this together.